Milo: Day 3 - Roller Coaster

We had a typical night of waking up every three hours to pump. I have begun to sleep very hard (the lack of good sleep combined with the stress - my stress relief tends to be sleep) and Shelly often has to poke me, or throw pillows to wake me up. In the morning I went to check on Milo while she pumped and was happy to hear that nothing had changed in the night. No new interventions was very happy news because that meant he had had the whole night to adapt to the outside world and grow that much stronger. He still had the intubation and chest shunt but he seemed calm and his oxygen levels were down to the lowest they had been since he arrived, 24%. The new day shift nurse, endeared herself to us by telling us the story of when she had first approached Milo that morning. "He opened one eye and reached up, grabbed his feeding tube and tried to jerk it out of his mouth. 'So that's how we are going to be today?' I asked him, 'Nice to meet you too.'"

Shelly and I had breakfast and then went to sit with him. We can both just sit and hold his hands for hours just staring at his little face. One of the benefits to the intubation instead of CPAP is now his little nose is available for smelling and the nurses recommended we each keep little squares of cloth in our shirts that we can set in the incubator with him after they pick up our smell. That way, he can smell us in there will him and feel reassured. We came back after our lunch/pump break to find the cloth covering his face (not dangerous since he gets all his air through the intubation tube) and the nurse explained to us that she likes to do that because it covers their eyes more from the light and comforts them with smell. We were again very grateful to be in a hospital that values breast milk, skin-to-skin care, and the smell of the mother as powerful tools for helping developing babies.

That evening we found out that the air that had been escaping into his chest had dwindled and stopped. They promised us a chest x-ray the next morning to confirm the leak had sealed and if after having the tube clamped for a while, there still wasn't any new buildup of air, they would be able to take the tube out (JOY! we may be able to hold him again after that happens). We also found out that his blood work came back excellent and they were able to turn down the breathing contraption and let him start doing a bit more work himself. AND his bilirubin levels dipped meaning he can be done with phototherapy for a bit (though he may need that back off and on as it tends to do a great job of clearing his system but he can't do it himself yet, so the bilirubin will build up when the lights are off and dissipate when they are on).

We headed back to our 3 o'clock pump/nap, happy that things looked like they were on an upswing but wary, knowing that with babies born that early, there are often ups and downs, victories and set backs. When we checked on him again before dinner, he was doing well. I held his arms crossed against his chest for a little while and he loved it. They moved his IV to his head (it started in his hand and moved to his foot in the first day) because it had slipped out and now he gets to kick and wave his arms freely.

Feelings:
Sad for our little boy having to be so uncomfortable.
Happy to hear he is healing and doing better.
Excited to check in on him tomorrow to see his progress.
Feeling more comfortable being a "mom" (the nurses all make sure to call us that as much as possible).
Grateful: 1. that the staff takes such amazing care of our son and 2. that they treat me like just as much of a mother as Shelly, allowing me access, decisions, and updates with no hesitation or judgement.

Shelly and I spent some time with him after dinner.